Passion trumps fear

First day at the mtc.

I learned a little this weekend. I thought I would share, but in order to do it we need to take a little journey through time. So lets jump in a time machine and go! We are going back almost 2 years ago..Remember this…. Glossophobia… It was my last time to speak in church pre.mission. I got up front and completely froze.. No thoughts were in my brain, therefore no words where leaving the mouth. I ended up only speaking for maybe 2 minutes probly less and was completely embarrassed. At the time I blamed this disaster on my fear of public speaking…

My MTC district

Now lets jump ahead a couple months.. I am in the MTC  and we are having a learning activity with our whole zone. There is where one teacher teachings all of us something and then we practice it. Well this particular day we learned about how we need to teach the gospel with excitement and with passion! For the practice we all had to think of something we LOVED, our most favorite thing in the whole world then we had to talk about it with our partner. Now the point was that when we spoke about this thing we loved we automatically had more energy in our tone, in our face, we didn’t have to think about what we wanted to say or how to say it. We needed to make the gospel and teaching the gospel our passion so that we could teach it with energy and excitement.

Now lets jump ahead a year and a half. Im home. Im speaking in my home ward. See missionaries always have to speak right before they leave like a goodbye, then again when they get home, a welcoming. Well this talk was about 187.6% different from the first. At first I was nervous, but as I stood up in front of everyone and started talking every single one of my nerves vanished, the butterflies in my stomach flew away, I wasn’t thinking about how people were looking at me, or my face getting red, or even worried about what I would say. (although I was thinking about how to say certain words in English instead of Spanish), All I could feel was a love for this Gospel that I have, a love for my Older Brother and Savior, Jesus Christ, a love for Chile and the people I met there, and an excitement to share it with everyone! This time around I wasn’t hoping that the time would fast quickly, but I could have stood up there all day talking.

Just my favorite picture of all time

I had the opportunity Sunday to give a 2^nd talk at my Dads church. Which I fully embraced, Im down for any excuse to talk about Chile, my mission, and this Gospel. But on the drive home, I thought back to that terrible talk almost 2 years ago, and the change that happened to me, then I thought about Hermano Richards and his mtc lesson about passion, and then I realized. That was the change. It wasn’t necessarily that I became more comfortable talking in front of people, or that I gained confidence, although that is a part of it, but more while on the mission I truly developed not only a love, but a PASSION for the Gospel, and for the church. It really became a part of me,. I came to realize that without Christ I am nothing, that with Him I can make it through anything, that this Gospel gives us the ability to change and become more like Him and one day live with Him again, and that now in this life we need to be following His commandments and following Him, which will bring us happiness.

I never had that feeling of love for the church before, it was just always just kidna a thing I did always, and that one day at the mtc learning about sharing with passion I wasn’t sure if I would ever get there. Pretty sure that passion is my favorite souvenir that I brought home from Chile, and probly the most eternal rewarding too.

So maybe I don’t quite have a fear of public speaking….well I have a class come fall so I guess we shall see.

so im a RM and maybe weird.. deal with it.

So we all know those weirdee RMs.. actually its normal and expected yet we all still cant help but make fun of them, and for those that served missions you may have even thought Im not going to be a weirdee RM, im going to be completely normal.. I know that is what I thought then here I find myself doing things I never thought I would and being definitely a little weirdee..  so here it is the weirdieness of RMS ie ME

 

Music….. Yeah still cant really listen to music like I used to anyways, See the thing is before I was a music fanatic.. I woke up to music, got ready to music, first thing at work turned on Pandora, worked out to music, studied to music, even fell asleep to music. And it was something I actually missed a lot on my mission, some days I even longed for my itunes…. But now im here, I have itunes access right at my fingertips, any song I so desire and this is what I find myself doing… usher, skip, secondhand serenade, skip, owl city skip, kanye skip.. wait.. better yet delete!!… efy.. yeah, that’s good!

Movies. im completely out of it, currently trying to catch up on all that I have missed the last 18 months, I have quite the list. However, something about movie watching.. it is hard. And the number 1 reason why…. The suspense. It kills me man!  The first movie I watched was “Tangled” yeah starting small Disney stuff.. and even that movie got to suspenseful for me, I started freaking out not knowing what was going to happen, my heart was beating really fast, palms sweating, you know. Suspense is a feeling that you don’t have very often as a missionary especially in movies, I mean “The restoration” oh whats going to happen to jose smith?! Oh wait….. I know.  I did however get through this suspense phobia thing I got going on to have a harry potter marathon wit my sis, 4pm to 2am. HP5-8.. kicked butt!           

  Dating.. well its true, now that the RM status has been placed the setting me up with people has begun.  Pretty much everyone has me married off to someone, friends, cousins, cousins of roommates friend, random BYU shirt wearing boys on cruises u kno. But hey, better to just roll with it, so bring on the dates, but expect that I will speak of Chile throughout dinner, typical minature golf, and the awkward doorstep scene.

  Which brings me to the next… RMS always just talk about mission stories…. Uh. Of course we do! We haven’t known anything else for the past 18 months, what do you talk about.. oh wait what you have been doing for the past year and half, right, me too! But seriously, I can and will apply Chile/mission to any conversation, nothing else is even in my brain. Sorry. Oh and if not Chile applying, I will apply the gospel to any and all situations, 

Spanglish... yeah that exists. I think everything I want to say still enters my brain in Spanish and then i quickly translate it to english before letting it go. Sometimes. But i will speak Spanish to anyone that I can, not to show off (although i am cooler for knowing 2 languages. ; )bah jk) but just to praaactice! And it makes me feel at home. cuz you know Chile is kinda my home. 

Well thats all the updates for now. Although i have some quite embarrassing stories that I will share with you in the future. now dont you even worry. Mostly I miss Chile a lot and dream about going back everyday. I miss more being a missionary and thinking of others and sharing the gospel. It really was the best 18 months of my life. I dont even care if I have to be a little weird now cuz pretty sure the experience was definitely worth it.

Hello from the MTC!

Hello from the MTC! So I leave on Monday the 18th and I have had an amazing experience so far. I cannot wait to get to Chile and share the gospel and meet the people and love the culture! Im so glad I made this decision to go on a mission Although it has been way hard, cant lie, the god have out weighed the bad, and I have made life long friends with the leaders in my district and other hermanas. Honestly so great. My fam is going to start posting my letters with all my Chilean experiences! Miss you all, Write Me! Here are my top 7 things I have learned, plus some fun/random ones. (list of things I have learned)

1) The best way to teach is through my example and my love for my investigators. Everything I do should bring others to Christ. I need to act like I know this is the true church- though how I live others can know that I know the gospel is true.
     Also, I need to complete love for my investigators- I need to love them enough to save them. (1 Nephi 19:9)

2) I need to "embrace, enhance, magnify every moment" I need to work, work, work and not waste any second. Be bigger, better, bolder than have ever been before. I need to use the Lords time wisely so that I can become an instrument in his hands, because the Lord can make so much more out of me than I can. Christ is not sending missionaries out into the world to hold line but to Fight! To change lives, giving all my might, mind, strength to the work, remembering that I will get out what I put in.

3) The spirit is hosts its all about what I say is not as important as how I make the investigator feel. How I invite the spirit, and provide them with the opportunities to have personal spiritual experience. Soriaxe is an investigator Hermano Anderson told us about who was super difficult, atheist, stubborn- but he ended up getting baptized. Hermano Anderson asked what they said that changed his mind and he said, " The spirit helped my heart understood things my mind couldn't comprehend".

4) To have no fear. To have complete faith! I need to take the first step, just open my mouth, with Faith that it will be filled. Talk to everyone and never, ever, ever, ever, shut up! If i work with faith and focus I will give the Lord something to work with. (D:C 100 4-8; D:C 30:11)

5) I came to a better understanding of the enabling power of the atonement. Through the atonement we can do anything atonement enables us to have comfort and peace, enables us to repent, enables us to become like Christ. When times get hard remember that if we want to be Christs disciple. We have "to spend a few hours in Gethsemne, a little while in Calvary, and take a couple steps up to the summit". We have to go through some of the pains Jesus Christ went through but the atonement will carry us through. Missions are hard for a reason, but during those hard times I can stand tall because I'm standing closer to and even next to Christ himself.

6) The Lord is with me always. He abides in me, and I in him (Moses 6:32-34) God loves me so much, he wont let me be alone. Lord is on my right, and on my left with angels going before me. ( D:C 80:88)

7) Humility, humility, humility. This work is not even a little bit possible to do by myself. Alone I am nothing but with the Lord I can be strong.

                               "Every hour, every day, every step all the way. This is war!"
                                                 -And just some random fun ones-

1- You can create and analogy using a pen that will relate to any gospel principle.

2- " you've got mail" really are the 3 greatest words on the planet, and they may not admit it but every 19 yr old boy knows and will sing the blue clues mail time song.

3- It is possible to be so tired you fall asleep standing, sitting, kneeling, walking- but pulling on ear lobe is an effective way to stay awake.

4- "Called to serve" is an amazing song until you sing it 3 times a week for 9 weeks.

Breaking Up or Getting Down?

So it is not unusual for me to hear a song once and fall in love. Listen to it on loop at work, sing to it at the top of my lungs in the car, dance to it alone in my bedroom while im getting ready, or just having my daily 5 min dance party.... this can go on for either a day or an entire week.... and THEEEN.. all of a sudden I'll be doing my usual car dance, singing at the top of my lungs, to this amazing new song that has graced the world with its presence, and I'll realize what the words are. I'll stop, I'll think, I'll then know how absolutely teeerible and inappropriate my new favorite song is, and my heart will break.

This happened to me last night, and I was crushed.

Oh new song how I love you so, but I just feel sooo guilty after listening, I can't do it anymore. You were fun to dance too, we had good times, then you just had to go and be all dirty and stuff. So I'm breaking up with you. It's not me, its most definitely you. Tho you will be missed when Emily wants to dance.

I blame the radio, and the world we live in, they play this stuff and get us all hooked!

Im in one of those moods ..

to just cook and cook and cook and cook and maybe bake a little too. 

This happens to me every once in awhile. All I do is sit at work dreaming up all the culinary masterpieces I want to go home and whip up! 

Like right now.... I would love nothing more than to go home and make this : 

or maybe this

probably this

oh and definitely this

with maybe these on the side 

 oh but for sure these. 

buuut. ill probly end up going home, looking in my cupboard and eating this ---

 or maybe these

because I refuse to go grocery shopping seeing as Im leaving in a week, and Im trying to eat the food I have... which as you may have guessed consists of very little. I think I probably could count it all on one hand - my life is sad.

ps --> I am now very hungry, and didn't even bother posting all the things i wish I could bake right now. You would be drooling for sure.

 pps --> Im mildly addicted to food. I know. I have accepted it. and am moving on.

Let Him Heal Your Heart

I randomly though of this song this morning as I was running, and it has been going through my head all day. I am so grateful for music and the comfort, power, and spirit it brings. This song especially helped me through some pretty tough times. The lyrics are amazing, and the music is gorgeous. I only wish I could find the piano music, but every google search I have tried today has come up empty. : (

Let Him Heal Your Heart - Tyler Castleton

Who can know the heartache that we're feeling deep inside? 

Who can know the burden you've carried all your life? 

Darkness fills the daylight and the road is much too long. 

Where is heavens answers and the strength to carry on?

When the night is lonely and your pride and fear depart, 

When the tears are falling and the questions fill your heart, 

Think of how he loves you, how he longs to bring you home.

Reach out for his guidance, he has walked your path alone. 

Let him heal your heart, remember every promise he has made. 

Reach into your soul, forsake a life of sin and he will shine that light inside again. 

Let him help you start, to live again and feel his endless love. 

Let him hold and teach you, love and reach you, let him heal your heart.

There's no simple challenge, every road is not the same. 

Every wrong decision is forgotten if you change. 

Feel his warmth surround you, see his arms are opened wide.

And know that he stands ready, when you start to change your life. 

Never doubt his goodness, don't believe that its too late.

He sees your every struggle, and he know the trials you face. 

Follow and believe him, put your trust in him again. 

And change your heart forever, let the miracles begin. 

Let him heal your heart, remember every promise he has made.

Reach into your soul, forsake a life of sin and he will shine that light inside again. 

Let him help you start, to live again and feel his endless love. 

Let him hold and teach you, love and reach you, let him heal your heart. 

Let him hold and teach you, love and reach you, let him heal your heart.

wow huh? Yeah I get goosebumps every time. What an amazing promise we are given.We always have someone, a big brother, watching out for us, arms open wide ready to hug and comfort us. He will never judge, or turn his back. He will always welcome you back, with complete understand in what you are going through, and endless love. I couldn't ask for a more awesome blessing. 

It was Absolutely Lovely

My day yesterday that is.

I went on a lezzy date with this chica and loved every second of it! I'm so lucky that 3 years ago we got to share an apartment at the Colony.

 First we went to a late birthday dinner at Chili's --> this has kinda become one my favorite places.. food equals delish.. and especially the chocolate chip brownie ice cream dessert happiness!

After that we went and saw the Joseph Smith movie --> loved loved loved. I haven't seen it forever!  so powerful. this church is true, and I get to go share that for 18 months. favorite part was at the end they showed this quote.

"Joseph Smith lived and died for the truth. Should we not go on in such great a cause?"

  I think that was my favorite part and it sure hit me the hardest. Joseph Smith lost so much, gave his whole life for the church. Would I be so willing if it ever happened to me? I sure hope so, and I plan on remembering that quote when I complain about little things like being hungry on fast sunday or something. It was definitely the added motivation I needed right now, and just pumped me up for the mission in 2 weeks!

Then on the drive home just talked, listened to music, and watched the lightning. Nothing better than that. I could have been in that car for hours and been perfectly content.

After finding nothing on the radio we were in the mood for we popped in a cd and listened to this song. I can't help but just to be so happy after listening. It is way beautiful and super comforting!  What Heaven Sees in You --> Mindy Gledhill listen to it. love it. I plan on getting the piano music today.