You Probly Didn't Know This Buuut....

k so since i feel like my life has gotten completely boring and monotonous and therefore unblog-worthy, i have decided to just write on random things that people may or may not know about me, probly one new thing week.

Today on account that I had to go to court (minor driving without registration ticket, no worries im no criminal) I have decided to dedicate this post to just that.

Fun Fact about Emily #1:

I have a completely irrational fear of getting arrested and going straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. 

 

Yeah its weird I know. Its not like i have ever even done anything remotely close to something that would land me some jail time, so I don't know where it comes from. But its there.

 ahh..im gonna start shaking over here.

Some examples..yes? ok---

One time I was walking out of Pennys or something in the mall, and this man comes up behind me, yells stop, and grabs my arm. I thought i was going to pee my pants. I was certain that it was police officer planning on smacking down his cuffs and leading me away, even though i had done nothing wrong. ( I had just forgotten to grab my debit card after paying)

Story numero dos: I got pulled over a couple weeks ago (registration ticket) and the police officer was taking forever after he had taken my license and such. He kept talking on his radio, then staring up at me, then talking on his radio again, for like 10 minutes. In which time Im sitting in my car freaking out! I was sure he was going to come up and say actually maam i need you to come with me, I was even figuring out who I would call to come bail me out, and what sitting in a jail cell would be like. Luckily he came back with just fix-it ticket and no handcuffs.

and tres: I have to pass by the juvenile detention center everyday on my drive to work. No joke the first 3 months of driving to work i would have to turn up the radio and really focus on staring at the car in front of me because just thinking about that place, much less staring at it would make my heart jump and butterflys fly. 

 However, if I did go to jail, i totally would rock those prison stripes, or orange jumpsuit. My mug shot though would not be pretty, and um most likely i would be beaten up, lying in a ball on the floor crying within the first hour.

So please never frame me for any crime you commited.. because if jail doesn't kill, ill die of fear on my way over...  Now you know, mikes super short show!  (yes thats a disney reference, yes i just went there) : )

Glossophobia?--- I may just have that--

Glossophobia -- the fear of public speaking. 

I learned something about myself today --- public speaking and I do not mix In my mind I am always super confident. I think yeah no problem I don’t mind talking to a group, its easy, im going to be totally chill and funny. Then I get up there and freeze.

So today. I had to give a talk in church. It is probably going to be the last opportunity I will have to speak in my home ward in Washington. So I spent some time preparing this talk and at first I was a little shaky with the subject but by the end I was actually pretty pleased with what I had come up with. During the opening song, first speaker, I felt completely confident, even jotted down a few more things that came to mind. This was going to be way easy, good, take up probably close to the 10 minutes I was assigned. Then the first speaker ends, its my turn… and my heart starts racing. I walk to the pulpit…. Stare out at everyone. And mind goes completely blank, I almost even forgot the general authorities name that gave the talk I was speaking about. I tried to pull it together, look down at my notes that I had written, but couldn’t find what I had been thinking, so then I just kinda talked but my mind was going something kinda like this "man there are so many people, just staring at me, what am I even suppose to say, wow its hot in here, why did I wear 4 layers, I shoulda taken off this jacket, wow no one is smiling, they are all just staring, I must not be making sense, dang im sweating, I wonder if they can see the drops of sweat go down my face, its probably red, I need to sit down right now!”… so that is what I did, I bore a really fast testimony and sat down.. it felt like I had been up there forever…. Nope, not forever,more like 2 minutes… yeah one. TWO!. Im sure it was shorter than the youth speakers talk. I didn’t tell any of the stories I had written down, didn’t share any of the scriptures that I  had taken such time to look up and fit in.oh it was bad.

My favorite part tho is after people came up and say I liked ur talk, or good job.. no no. u are lying, I know you are lying! It was not good. But that’s okay, because my grandparents also spoke and they needed more time than they would have gotten had a given a normal lengths talk. Plus I would much rather hear from them anyways.

I tried today to figure out what it is about public speaking that makes me so nervous, and I couldn’t really pinpoint it. I don’t know if its that everyone’s attention is on me, or my weird need to be perfect and say the right thing, or maybe it’s the fact that being in front of people and sharing my feelings makes me feel vulnerable and I don’t like that. Im not sure, but its something Im going to have to work on.

Another bonus ---> I am even more excited now to go on my mission because Im going to have to talk to people all day, some may even be big groups, and stepping outside of my comfort zone like that every day for 18 months, man that is going to make me such a better person/speaker. I have much room to be improved!

ps... Im crossing my fingers that my byu bishop doesn’t ask me to speak, please cross ur fingers for me plz&thx I don’t think I can handle that humiliation again. ; )

pps... Im even more nervous now for the Public Speaking class my major requires… ahhh.. I start shaking and sweating just thinking about it.

Refocusing..

Today my boss told me this story and I really loved it! 

Back when he was at the MTC he had a teacher ask all of the missionaries to write a list of all the reasons they were going on a mission. Ganon said his list was something like:

1. Learn a new language

2. Live in a different country

3. Gain a stronger testimony

4. Preach the Gospel

And he thought it was a pretty good list. Later on, after he had been in Argentina for about 4 months, he thought back to that teacher and that list and realized just how stupid his reasons sounded. He didn't need to be on a mission to accomplish any of those things. He could have done everything on that list in a lot easier ways than going on a mission, because the truth is, missions are tough. This is when he realized the only reason he was on a mission, the only reason he had not given up and gone home months ago was not even on his list. And that was 'because he knew that Argentina and a mission was exactly where the Lord wanted him, and needed him, and that was what he was supposed to be doing'

Yes, the mission is going to be hard. Learning a language. Living in a foreign country. Getting rejected, and doors slammed. Trying to teach. Missing my family. Missing my friends. Not ever having alone time. Being constantly tired. Yes. All this is going to be rough, BUUUT I know that is where the Lord wants me to be. I know in the long run I will only be a better person because of this experience. I know that i can help people, and bring joy into their lives. And that is all that matters. That is all I should be thinking about. 

Today I feel good. Today I am re-focused. I will no longer let anything get in my way/discourage me from doing what the Lord has planned.